The Importance of Saying NO – and What It Has to Do With Weight Loss. Useful Facts to Bear in Mind
Inspirational writer and teacher Geneen Roth has made career out of offering persons – women in particular – an alternative to dieting for natural weight loss. Roth herself struggled with her weight for years. By her own admission, she gained and lost a thousand pounds, over ten years, with yo-yo dieting. She was anorexic and too thin, and a few years later, she was eighty pounds overweight. In her late twenties, Roth decided that dieting never had and never would work for her – actually, that dieting leads to feelings of deprivation that are anathema to weight loss in the long term. So she went through the ceremony of burning all her diet books, and ever since then she has been eating what she wants, and counseling others to do the same. That, she argues, is the greatest way of breaking free from compulsive eating and all of the weight problems it engenders.
Geneen Roth is in addition interested in examining the psychological causes behind weight gain. One of them, which applies in particular to women, is an inability to say ‘no’ to things that we don’t really want to do. Women, says Roth, are conditioned to be agreeable. We are loathe to refuse social invitations, or propositions from men. We deal with more work than we should, both at home and in the workplace. And we do it because we have the idea that it’s in some way ‘not nice’ to say no.
One of the reasons why women gain weight, then, is so that the weight gain itself will in some way ‘say no’ for us. Being overweight or fat is one way to ensure you don’t get unwanted advances from men, for example. Being plump and a woman in today’s world is a good way of being imperceptible – overweight women don’t get nearly as much attention when they are out in public, and they are likely to dress in colors that make them look all but invisible. If you find it hard to say no, it’s likely that you’re letting your weight speak for you.
Why else, Roth argues, would we feel compelled to consume compulsively in a way that is likely to cause weight gain? We engage in behaviors that are adaptive, not maladaptive, as a rule. If being overweight is the way that we have of feeling secure, that’s likely what we will do, because everyone needs to feel safe. Putting on pounds is really a way in which your subconscious tries to take care of you, to meet your needs, to let you say no (or take away the need).
Unfortunately, gaining a lot of weight, like smoking or drinking, is as well a self-destructive behavior. As everyone knows, being very fat is detrimental to your health. You are more likely to suffer from one of a whole range of health harms if you are obese. These also extend to psychological problems, because despite what the behavior is saying, no one really wants to be obese. All of us want, deep down, to be glad and healthy, and to form healthy relationships with a wide variety of people.
So, to stop falling into this trap, learning to say ‘no’ loud and clear is a great necessary tool. Say no to invitations, propositions, pick-ups, and requests – except, naturally, you really want to say yes. A lot of women feel that they aren’t being nice or nurturing by saying no. In point of fact, saying no can be a great way of nurturing yourself, which is something you need to do in order to really be able to help anyone else. There is an old saying that you can’t water a garden with an empty watering can. In order to be of service to others in you your family, or to help a friend, or serve your community or workplace, you must firstly be willing to take care of yourself. Saying ‘no’ when you mean ‘no’ is a great start. It won’t solve all your problems, certainly, but it’s a plain step that takes you closer to caring for yourself.
On a basic level, saying no buys you some time. On a deeper level, it helps you establish a stronger sense of self and a knowledge of what your needs really are. All of these are steps to a healthier outlook, which includes maintaining a healthy weight.
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